Friday, July 31, 2009

E-online questions if everything is just a Truman-esque fantasy.

E-online wonders if it is all fake.

We've got a theory: Anything that seems too bad to be true probably is.

Jon and Kate Gosselin are Exhibits A-Z. The cheesy alleged affairs. The cheesy midlife-crisis clich├ęs. The cheesy Fantasy Island-style cameos.

You think this stuff just happens? We don't. And just in time for Monday's return of Jon & Kate Plus 8, we blow the lid off the evil-genius TV plot that has produced the world's greatest reality drama—onscreen and off.

The evidence (by which we mean, stuff we strongly suspect):

• Circa 2006: Discovery Networks, a cable giant arguably then best known for a series about a guy learning to scrape up roadkill, trains its cameras on a young, innocent Pennsylvania couple who recently welcomed sextuplets to a family that already included twins. A gut feeling tells us that executives notice right away that the Gosselin brood is far more fetching than scraped-up roadkill.

• May 2006: The Gosselin documentary special, Surviving Sextuplets and Twins, debuts. A gut feeling tells us that executives notice how Kate could use a tummy tuck, and how Jon could use a blonde. (The giveaway for Jon? His on-camera quote, delivered as he sits beside the then-brunette Kate: "I only like blondes.") Another gut feeling tells us that the executives and the Gosselins start to talk about how they could help each other out.

• January 2007: A sequel, Sextuplets and Twins: One Year Later, premieres. Kate gets her tummy tuck. Jon doesn't get his blonde. A gut feeling tells us negotiations are ongoing.

• April 2007: Jon & Kate Plus 8 premieres on Discovery's TLC. The cable giant gets its new signature series; Jon gets his blonde: a dyed Kate. A gut feeling tells us everybody's happy.

• Circa 2008: The Gosselins move into a new house. A gut feeling tells us the Gosselins have never seen the real-estate tax on a five-bedroom, $1.3 million mansion.

• March 2009: Real-estate tax bills are mailed out in the Gosselins' Berks County, Pa. A gut feeling tells us negotiations between the Gosselins and the TV executives are reopened. A new (moneymaking) storyline is needed—pronto!

• April 2009: Jon is "caught with another woman" (a blonde—natch) by Us Weekly.

• May 25, 2009: With the Gosselins dominating the tabloids, the fifth-season premiere of Jon & Kate Plus 8 debuts to series-record ratings. A gut feeling tells us that executives notice they're onto something.

• June 22, 2009: By day, the Gosselins file for divorce; by night, Jon & Kate Plus 8 hits another new ratings high. A gut feeling tells us that executives notice they're really onto something. Central casting is called. Guest stars needed—pronto!

• Spring-summer 2009: A gut feeling tells us Deanna Hummel is hired as the Other Woman No. 1 because of her brother's willingness to spout sound bites fit for Days of Our Lives; Hailey Glassman is brought on as the Other Woman No. 2 because of her appeal to potbellied NASCAR dads who fancy themselves studs; Steve Neild is cast as the Other Man No. 1 because of his appeal to soccer moms who can't resist a Harlequin romance hero ("Oh my, he's a bodyguard!"); designer Christian Audigier is inserted into the storyline in order to grow the family-friendly brand among Ed Hardy dudes; his yacht is brought on board to appeal to easily impressed young women, like Glassman; former Star reporter Kate Major is enlisted as the Other Woman No. 3 to complete the harem (and give the tabs even easier access to the story).

• July 2009: Jon watches his and old Kate's own E! True Hollywood Story special (while in the company of new Kate) at Michael Lohan's Hamptons pad. Our gut tells us Jon went rogue on this one. Even for this show, it's too bizarre a twist.

• Aug. 3, 2009: Bloodied but certainly unbowed, Jon & Kate Plus 8 returns with new episodes.
Our gut tells us the TV executives and the Gosselins think they've put one over on us.

Then again…:

Jon isn't that good an actor. Kate isn't that good an actress. They really are ordinary people who got in over their heads and, oh by the way, happen to be the parents to eight dragged-along-for-the-ride kids.

You gotta admit, our conspiracy theory is way less depressing.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

TLC is running its mouth and other tidbits

TLC is putting Jon and Kate back into the spotlight, claiming that there will no longer be a confessional couch, but separate chairs; they will be shown parenting separately and people who come in and out of their lives will be dealt with on a "case by case" basis. But what I really enjoyed is how TLC said "this is real life". Bullshit.

Also, the kids aren't anywhere off the clock. Just Jared is reporting that the kids are taping shows with Jon making telephones with tin cans. What a treat that will be--- NOT.

TLC has also put a sneak peak up on YouTube.

On the other hand--- Kate is supposedly NOT moving to Maryland. I see a restraining order in Kate's future! Radar Online also has video where Kevin feels TLC has cut him off from Kate. No, Kev, she cut you off and TLC is just playing puppet to her whim. (By the way, did everyone notice in the video how polished Kevin and Aunt Jodi's appearances are becoming. Did they get a PR firm to back them too?)

And if this isn't enough, magazine scans are up at My Case Against Kate Gosselin.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

More fodder trying to raise ratings for next week...

This sudden glut of Jon and Kate has to be for ratings come next week. Now Jon is afraid he, er the KIDS, won't get his/their fair share...the National Ledger reports Jon thinks Kate has hidden money from him. No, really?!?

According to Julie (Aunt Jodi's sister), Kevin and Jodi are going to be interviewed on TV tomorrow--- and the focus should stay on the kids.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Ramping up for August 3rd

They are getting ready for the "new part" of the season. Here's what we've got so far....

Jon wants to do a "divorced dad's club show" (now we know why he's out with the likes of Mike Lohan!).

Meanwhile, Kate is buying a condo in Maryland--hmmmm how convenient is that.... I believe Steve Neild lives in the area......

Friday, July 24, 2009

So much for focusing on the family!

As you can see from, the Gosselin kids never have taken that hiatus until August 3rd. The show must go on!

And Jon is ready for his own reality show!

And here comes a 911 Nanny tie-in

I really think that Kate will pimp the kids for a Nanny show. Apparently if the kids weren't aware of the situation between their parents, they are now! Cara and Mady start therapy and the little ones aren't far behind!

Magazine scans

Weekly magazine scans up courtesy of "My Case Against Kate Gosselin"

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

How are the Gosselin's doing now that they've split?

According to US Mag, the kids are miserable (as reported by myfoxphilly) Apparently Kate kept them in the car while she got her ever present Choc-Mocha-Latte:

"Eyewitnesses told Us Magazine the children were visibly upset at the photo shoot, and on the long drive from Reading, Pa., to New York, Kate left the kids in a luxury van at a rest stop while she ran into Starbucks."

Jon's no better. When he's not out with the slutty ton, he's out with Michael Lohan, a shining example of stupidity in his own right (you know Michael- he's Lindsey's dad!)

Still, the tabloid covers are promising this week.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Hailey's parent's love Jon

Hailey is poppin' wet for Jon and literally gushing all over him.

Oblivious TLC sails on.....after the hiatus

August 3rd, the hiatus ends and TLC is back with more stupid than ever.

Renovations & Vacations
The thought of doing dishes in the bathtub while the kitchen is being renovated proves too much for Kate, so she decides to trade stress for relaxation by taking the kids to the beach while Jon manages the cabinet installations.

Beach & Kitchen Reveal
While Jon oversees the installation of new cabinets in the kitchen, Kate and the kids get into some fun in the sun at the beach. But soon enough, it's time to go home. Will the reveal of the new cabinets and kitchen meet Kate's expectations?

Friday, July 17, 2009

Juicy tidbits!

Kate's squeeze is coming back- Yep, Stevie boy is back in Kate's bed, er employ.

I find it odd that Jon now has an apartment in Manhatten.... not even big enough to take his kids there. He will always be at "the kids' house". Something is very hinkey in that.

Just Jared swears the jeweler confirms Jon and Hailey are engaged. How long does it take to find another woman for Jon? Didn't he want to be a 59 year old with a 22 year old wife?

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

New blog by an insider: Christian Closet Case?

You be the judge-- is this for real or is this PennMommy part 2?

Christian Closet Case

We have lots of Gosselin Joy!

First, let's just be clear. Even though the kids are suffering, the show must go on. I seriously think that filming has NEVER stopped.

Moving on to the other media..... Check out a PA couple with 12 kids... they have reality all under control. Picking your veggies for dinner and making do with a really old minivan. That's reality.

Let's all cry a bucket of tears for Cunt Kate. Cunt Gosselin's clothing line is COMPLETELY on hold. Finally!

And cry a few for Jon.... his Ed Hardy clothing line seems to be on hold. BWHAHAHAHAHA. But the fun part was that Jon was going to do a kid's clothing line...... prostituting the kids as much as Kate.

Does the weekend press have anything to do with this? Apparently, Hailey was a bit of a slut in college, giving it away to anyone who would have it anywhere. She and Jon seem to be inseperable and seem to love smoking a lot. Hailey is reportedly pissed about the whole idea that she is being portrayed a drunken slut.

Glimpses of this week's hotter news:
Life and Style writes about Kate being 'forced out of her house". I thought it was all for the kids?
US Magazine: Kate wears her ring and a fugly hat while pumping....gas.
InTouch says that Kate is heartbroken over Steve.

More to come!

Monday, July 13, 2009

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Jon is stylin' now, but who is with the kids?

Kate is in LA and Jon is with Hailey in Europe. Who is with the kids?

That's no matter for the Gosselins!

Hailey is ugler than sin-- but not uglier than Kate. Is that a large diamond I see her sporting on her special ring finger?

For Jon not wanting media attention, he has it now and seems to enjoy it. He is with the Ed Hardy folks discussing the clothes- and Jon's own line of boyish tshirts.

Scroll down on the official website and see advertising for Jon Gosselin. This has obviously been in the works for a long time. Jon certainly does have a way of getting his name out there. Ed Hardy must have been hard up to choose to do anything with Jon.

Not sure what this is about but it's been on the Ed Hardy website for a while. And here, somehow Ed Hardy thinks Jon Gosselin are on an equal footing. Not likely.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

The week's roundup

As the Gosselin's are eclipsed by Michael Jackson, we've got just a few tidbits this week.

First, as always, My Case Against Kate Gosselin has the week's scans for your reading pleasure.

Radar online speaks to a former Kate Gosselin friend who says that she seems to have expected to get pregnant with multiples. Radar also says Kate's in Hollywood (doing what? Hooking at Hollywood and Vine?) and Jon is in a relationship with Hailey Glassman. They are going to Paris and Hailey is hanging on to Jon to get into the shoe biz. Radar also claims Jon started the rumors about Kate and Steve. Of course he did. When he talked to Jodi and Kevin and they blabbed it all around, he wanted to deflect any attention to his crab infested penis.

More to come!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Invading the UK? Oh HELL NO!

Run away if you can. Don't watch it. It will not last long in Europe. Even with the horrific trainwreck Europeans think Americans are, they will not watch this bullshit every week.

Another parody

Tis been a slow JK8 week....

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Karma, you are the sweetest of all Queen Bitches.....

I pay homage to Karma, the sweetest of all Queen Bitches. I bow to her everloving grace and beauty.

Kate's Healthtex clothing line is on hold, according to Us Magazine.

The ratings for Jon and Kate's post-divorce announcement was down 77%. Yessssssssss.

See yas, Katie Irene. Since you're self-employed, you won't be getting an unemployment check!

Get ready to woman up and start really balance your "work" and life!

Oh sweet, sweet karma...

So far, nothing major from the normal outlets about Kate and Jon. Sweet Karma.

In fact, the only piece of fluff so far is from Monday in Life and Style magazine.

"With 10.6 million viewers watching, Jon and Kate Gosselin announced the end of their 10-year marriage in the June 22 episode of Jon & Kate Plus 8. Soon after the show aired, the couple separately released statements vowing to put their kids first. "As always," Kate said, "my first priority remains our children." Jon echoed the sentiment: "My job is to be the best, most supportive and loving father I can be."

Since then, however, it seems only one of them means it. Kate is now acting as both mother and father to the couple's eight children, according to several sources, while Jon has been doing precious little to help her."Jon hasn't been seen at the house much since he and Kate announced the divorce," a witness tells Life & Style.

I don't necessarily believe that, as he's been seen playing with them this whole week at the house. However, playing is no the same as helping raise kids.