Overall, these episodes were pretty tame compared with the drama they tried to create last week. Virtually there was no nastiness and only one veiled reference to their issues.
Notice the new opener--- Jon and Kate in opposite corners of the screen. We get it. There are still issues. Or are there? They really didn’t address anything in this issue. That is why all this could be one big publicity stunt. I doubt it, but it could be a bit of both. This episode basically follows the season opener in the tit for tat time with Jon and Kate.
Kate starts by whining and defending her selfish acts- that it is always about the kids and that is the reason for the show and books- and I’m the Virgin Mary. We don’t see her “down deep inside”, well we almost do in those horrible bikini pics. Kate says she has a “desperate desire to provide for the kids”. Then get a job that doesn’t exploit your kids. You have babysitters (as we see later), they have the necessities of life, and you obviously have money.
Kate is still lying about the Multiple Blessings/8 Little faces tour. She said she never did a MB tour. What was all of 2008 until the last 6 weeks? NO PUBLISHER would ever publish a book like that without at tour. Kate flashes her veneers and signs books. She tells one fan, as she’s sipping a Starbucks triple chocolate organic latte, that she misses the kids and only a couple of days till she sees them. It was so off handed, it couldn’t be sincere.
Jon pops in to say hello. He tells us they decided that one parent should always stay at home with the kids. (Then why the HELL are you “out with friends” all the time? Especially on your wife’s birthday?) Sporting a wrinkled Las Vegas t-shirt; wrinked,baggy jeans, and a baseball cap slung backwards, he says when he’s traveling that she is home and when she’s traveling, he’s home. Naughty, naughty Jon. We know better than that! Then he gives the real truth. “There is always a parent, a helper or someone.” The someone is who we are worried about/interested in, Jonny.
Jon shows what a big baby he is by copping out, claiming that it is harder for guys because they aren’t moms. Well man up sweetie! Many men make great stay at home dads. It isn’t rocket science. And it has nothing to do with women being nurturers. Suck it up, lazy ass.
Kate says her tour is “so succeeding”. WTF kind of English is that? Another Kate-ism.
Back to Jon (this multiple switching is getting monotonous). He’s doling out real food to the kids and candy. Served on oh-so-green paper plates and plastic cups. With HIGH CHAIRS. They are FIVE YEARS OLD- ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING HIGH CHAIRS.
She says “It could have been March 27-29 and no one could have said anything.” (Again with the English.) Jon was away and Kate wanted to make her birthday “fun for the kids”. ‘Cause as Kate says, your birthday as a parent is always fun for the kids- not you. And she is going to start by baking a Kate, er cake. I was confused by her orange tan. Jon is gone. Kate found her birthday depressing because it “used to be fun”. He went to Utah to ski with “friends”.
Jon is skiing and being selfish as always. He says it is because he and his dad used to ski all the time. He went to the National Ability Center and watched disabled people ski. (So they could film and comp the trip.) Jon could have cared less. He said that the people were amazing, and it “touched his life” because his dad operated on handicapped kids. Since when was his dad a surgeon? I guess the brains didn’t leave the tree, or if they did, they skipped a generation.
The kids supposedly have a “surprise for Kate”. Sure they did. TLC staged the surprise. I call bullshit on the kids not working- it is totally scripted, which means they have to act to really make it convincing. And Kate feigned surprise…..When Kate yelled at Kate and Mady as to why the bus was there, they seemed SCARED to answer her- very guarded. No abuse, Kate? Your years of verbal abuse are showing.
Kate was told to get the kids on the bus and go. She said she felt unprepared, but she had time to put on her $300/pair slut heels before she left.
After the break, they get a close up of Jon and he seems a bit stoned. Or drunk . Or both. We got to see a side shot of Jon’s head. He has a BIG BALD SPOT on the BACK OF HIS HEAD. Will we see a return to the plug doctor this season? Or will the bald spot fill in automagically?
Jon talks about his trip down the hill with the handicapped people. No close ups or talking with them. Didn’t look like he made sure no one was going to bump into them as instructed. Wussed out again.
The Charm City Cakes (from Ace of Cakes) hosted the Gosselin kids for Kate’s birthday. She made it all about her, because she just felt horrible for getting out without knowing where they were going. Cara and Mady love “that show” (Just say it- Ace of Cakes), and they showed a cake they baked. Kate said she was sorry because she was acting like a fan. Oh really? I thought it was more like a cheap, wet slut.
They got a tour and then each of the kids had a cake to decorate. It was as exciting as watching Kate strut her fat scarred ass in a one-size-too-small bikini. Yeah. Yawn. Kate couldn’t appreciate it, a lot like she couldn’t appreciate the pottery they made. She said it looked like vomit.
The red headed suck up from Ace of Cakes just kissed Kate’s ass like it was the best thing since the last pussy she ate. She would have kissed Kate’s sweat and sea salt covered ass if she had the chance. Kate bitched that the cakes and kids were a mess. They sang happy birthday, she got her real cake and again with more watching paint dry. Kate’s cake was “Fluffley” (Kate-ism 2) lemon. Sour, just like her.
Jon skis again and says he can totally escape there because no one knows him. Bullshit, Jon. They know you because you have a FILM CREW with you. Duh. Doesn’t seem in the footage that Jon is making sure other skiers are watching out for them. Still?
Kate wanted to take Duff home when he got the kids to quiet down. I think she wanted him in her bed or maybe just be the pastry chef in addition to her personal chef. The show ended with Kate wetting her panties over the Ace of Cakes experience. There was also the obligatory photo. Probably will be sold for $20 apiece or put in another horribly horrendous (Kate-ism 3) book.
Next episode….
Kate shows up in a pink/red Ann Taylor Loft dress (she has two others in orange and green). Mady wanted to go with Kate to San Diego (bullshit, she had a book signing there) because Cara got to go to Utah with Jon. She took Mady to the beach. They talked. They went to the spa. I’m sure that’s what Mady wanted.
Back at the ranch… Jon is with the others. Jon let us all know sometimes they would interview together, sometimes separately- “It depends on how things are going. We both have busy schedules.” Sure Jon, so busy drinking and hagging out with your cheap post-college aged tarts.
Jon was putting up a swing set. It took him FOUR DAYS to do this.
Kate was quick to point out that when Mady isn’t around the others, it isn’t the extra child that is missing, it is the NOISE. More emotional abuse?
They got out the battery operated cars… one kids whined that she couldn’t go first. Wahhhh. While Jon was on the real one…. Way to be responsible Jon.
Kate and Mady had a pedal cart—Mady wanted to talk about it but Kate butted in. (It’s always Kate, Kate, Kate!) What fun! Then it was off to the Spa Terre for the two of them. Kate was quick to point out that out of the 4 days they were there, the crew filmed 1 day. LOL The Department of Labor breathing too closely, Kate?
Jon took the kids into the woods again- if you remember, the kids beat each other before with sticks and the first thing Jon said was “Hey you can find a new stick”, so he can jerk them around and throw the sticks away. Again.
He tries to get them to be quiet. Doesn’t work- again. Alexis starts bawling. She bit her lip straight through. Jon was calling for a babysitter and called Kate, who was on an elliptical machine at the time and didn’t seem overly concerned about it. Why not just pile everyone into the car and GO? Why would you call someone so far away before seeking immediate medical attention?
Alexis talked about everything and seemed ok after all.
Mady likes the pedicure part. Kate said Mady didn’t know what to do because she could CHOOSE things. Imagine that. She didn’t know what to do with the new found freedom. Thanks for the great controlling, Kate.
Jon finally got the kid to the doctor and Alexis got to eat popsicles. Jon wanted to get her a chocolate frappuccino. Some popsicle. Kate said “You’re starting her on that habit young.” She almost hid her contempt. Of course the kids were all bragging about what they had while she was gone and she sucked her frappuccino and said “That is not fun”. Little Kate Bitch.
Kate whines about doing things like that for the kids because of the price they pay for the “jealousness” (Kate-ism 4) that they pay. Leah whined that Alexis shouldn’t have had something special. My god, how spoiled are these kids?
Kate and Mady had lunch at the spa and Kate gave Mady etiquette tips. Napkin on the lap…
Jon was still struggling with the swing set….he had some “friends” over to help. Deanna’s brother? More college buds? I think too much alcohol was involved.
Kate and Mady went gift shopping for the kids. Not too much because Kate “can’t carry them all”. (Not because of cost, sheeple. They are ROLLING in your love offerings now.) Super exciting. Not. Mady got Cara a stuffed turtle and she got an otter. Kate talked over Mady by saying “The most useless gift ever.” WAY TO REINFORCE THE LOW SELF ESTEEM! As my husband said “Heartless cunt.”
Jon couldn’t do the swing because he didn’t have power tools. What a dumbass. No wonder he’s at loose ends. He has no gumption. A pretty worthless person, I’d say.
At nap time comes a huge crash, Aaden took the top off the toilet and broke it. Because he wanted to see how it worked. They glued it back together. I am sure Kate will get a whole new toilet.
Kate and Mady watched ducks. They talked and Kate said the trip was worth it. For her maybe.
Back with Jon, he’s still working on the swing, jungle gym, treehouse thing. The kids are running around with popsicles- I am sure after the frap incident they all got to eat popsicles- I wonder if the frap was organic? Surely the popsicles are.
Finally the kids could play on the jungle gym. Exciting!
Kate doesn’t even know her own dogs slide ass down on the slide. Dripping their butt funk all over the slide and the kids play in it after.
Kate is going back to the beach with Mady. Mady tried to talk in the confessional again, but Kate talked over her. Mady looked disappointed- again. Kate looked pregnant in her red beach cover up. Kate told us Mady kept saying she wanted Jon in the beginning but then Mady said Kate was the best mom. Kate said Mady said her love cup ran over. Rip off lines from Hope Floats much?
And thankfully, it was over.
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1 comment:
Funny recap. Thanks cause I didnt want to watch. Good night!
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