Kate Gosselin was run over!!!!

By a Brinks Truck!
(Apologies to Randy Brooks and Elmo and Patsy Shropshire)

(chorus)
Kate Gosselin got run over by a Brinks truck
Riding in its cab on Christmas Eve
You could say there's no such thing as Justice
But as for Jon Plus 8, they believe

She'd been drinking an alcoholic (ORGANIC) beverage
And the 'tups wanted her at home
But she liked the smell of money better
And she liked the hot Korean driver named Joe!

When Jon found her Christmas morning
At the scene of the attack
She had $100 bills stuck on her forehead
And incriminating coin marks on her back

(chorus)

Now fans are all so proud of Jon-boy
He's been taking this so well
See him in the closet and working out
Surfin' porn and liftin' (bar)bells

It's a better Christmas without Katie
All the family's dressed in clothes straight off the rack!
And they just can't help but wonder
If we use her giftcards will we get flack? (Give them flack!)

(chorus)

Now the organic beef is on the table
and the pudding made of soy
and the feathered centerpieces
that would just have matched the chicken hair that gave Kate joy!

Critics warn your friends and neighbors
Watch out for women like our Kate
They should never give a ride
To greedy women who like men with full pates!

(chorus)